You know you've made the right choice.
So I'm sitting at the table while J4 eats his lunch. I'm reading about the Northwest Arkansas Business Women's Conference they had yesterday. There were booths, and vendors, and key-note speakers. Business and professional women from all over Northwest Arkansas came, net-worked, got out of the office, and did general adult, working-women things.
I sighed. A part of me (sometimes a big part, sometimes a smaller part) wishes I were part of that world. I was Salutatorian of my high school graduating class. (That's 2nd in line behind Valedictorian.) I graduated from Hendrix with a degree in MATH! I'm smart, dad gumit! I could easily be one of those women.
Instead, I'm sitting here at my kitchen table wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Pouring small amounts of apple juice into a paper cup so J4 can learn to drink without the aid of a sippy cup. (and without copious amounts of paper towels...)
So then he's done and we start getting ready for his nap. He has to go potty first so I'm waiting in there with him when it starts.... I don't know if he, well, expelled gas, or just started it for fun, but he purses his lips and lets out a big pppbbblllttt! Then he laughs! I smile and decide to answer him back with my own pppbbbllllttttttt! He laughs louder! Then, it's on! We take turns making pooty noises with our mouths and laughing in between. I do think to myself that I may regret this when he does it in polite company. However, since his speech is lagging a bit, I figure any sounds we can get him to make with his mouth should help his development.
As I sit there, ppbbllttt-ing and laughing, I can't help but smile inside. No, I don't get to attend the NWA Business Women's Conference. No, I don't get to dress up and talk to adults. But I get to BE here. With him. During these few short years where he loves me almost unconditionally. Before the distractions of school start occupying his thoughts. Before life steps in and forces each of us to chose our own way that ultimately leads us apart. Not too far apart, I hope, but not as close as we are now. Before I have to let him go and be his own person.
That's when I know. I KNOW this is where I'm supposed to be. For me and my family, this IS my job.
And I couldn't be happier. :)