I love what I do. I am very blessed. Both Jim and I are. Jim has an awesome job that he loves more than (almost) anything that challenges him and interests him and, most importantly (to me), pays him well.
Which allows me to stay home with our baby boy and watch him grow and play and love on him every second of the day. As well as be home when the girls get home from school so I can watch them grow and love on them, too. (and mitigate fights, but that's another post)
But sometimes....I start feeling...I don't know. Like I should be MORE. Like I should have done, or should do, more with my life.
I see other people my age who are successful. Accomplished. I mean, they've DONE SOMETHING. Besides change diapers and quit their jobs. They have titles. Or clients. Or students. Or patients.
I'm not sure I ever had many goals in life. Well, I guess I did, but I'm starting to wonder if they weren't big enough. I knew I wanted to get married. I knew I wanted kids. Beyond that, I wasn't sure. I figured I'd go to college and get a job. I did that. It's funny that I NEVER pictured myself as a full-time stay-at-home mom. (or housewife.....I hate that term.) I remember realizing in college that I really didn't want to set out to be the CEO of a large company, even though I wanted to work in an office.
And sometimes I wonder if I should have set out for that goal. The thing is, of all the goals I've ever set for myself, I've reached every one of them. Which is a cool thing to say until I realize I'm 36 and done. I've done everything I ever wanted to do. Well, I mean, there is the whole "raise 3 children" thing that I'm still working on. But as far as personal goals, I'm there.
I also realize that to be in the places where some of my friends are, i.e. they have clients and patients and students, etc, I would have to give up some of the things I enjoy now. Like getting to watch J4 grow and play and loving on him every second of the day. Like helping the girls with their homework or listening to their after-school stories.
So, I love what I do. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Honestly. Also, and Jim can vouch for this, if I didn't love what I did, I would change it. I'm a horrible liar and actress. If I don't like what I'm doing, it shows. Big time. I know I'm doing what is best for me and my family at this point in our lives. But sometimes, I still wonder.......
4 comments:
I'm sure it's a normal thing to wonder if you could/should have done something different/more. Well, it's clear you could if you wanted to, b/c you have! Also, I'd say you are doing a LOT right now just raising 3 kids in this world! That alone is impressive. If you're truly happy and enjoy what you do, you made the right decision. It's if you were ever unhappy and wanting something different that I'd say you should explore your options. It's all a matter of personal preference/financial abilities. You are very lucky to be financially able to stay home with 3 kids! Many moms would LOVE to do that and would not be able to afford it. But other moms do desire to keep their career and try to juggle it all. God bless them, as well (I may be one of them someday, so bless me!). Wow, this is a long comment. But my point is if you're happy, keep doing what you're doing! Not everyone can say that they're happy and enjoy what they do on a daily basis. And there are certainly long-term benefits in your children's lives as a direct result.
: )
I'm on the opposite end of where you are, and sometimes I wonder the same thing. I mean, I work, and have the girls, and I'm generally happy with where I'm at. But, I wouldn't say that the work I do is significantly important. I think jeff has those same thoughts about what he does too, although he loves teaching for some of the same reasons you love being at home with the kids.
The thing is, you already know to change it, something else would have to give. And, so it seems like to me that for now, you've made your choice. Just like I've made mine.... :) And, being the smart woman you are, you can always change that choice, whenever you darned well please! So, don't sweat it!
My thoughts exactly. EXACTLY. I mean, you couldn't have said it better. (Except you actually have certification to do something useful and I don't. )
I don't want to work outside the home; there's nothing I'd rather do than stay home with my girls right now. But I have mom friends who are teachers, nurses, physical therapists, even a firefighter, and I sometimes wonder too.
Thanks for commenting, everyone! It's nice to know I'm not alone. Like I said, I'm very happy doing what I'm doing. I used to sit at work and long for those days of staying home with a baby. Which is ironic b/c when I WAS home with a baby, some days I longed for something, ANYTHING besides that. I guess you truly don't know what you've got until it's gone. :) So I've got my 2nd chance and hopefully I'll be able to work for myself soon. I enjoyed reading all of your comments!
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