The Little Things: Happy 10th Birthday, Alpha!

Today is Alpha's 10th Birthday!!!!

10 YEARS! I cannot believe it has been 10 years since I became a mother.

To say I've learned a lot since then doesn't even cut it. I've learned TONS. Which is possible because I knew NOTHING about taking care of babies when I had her. Nothing! Zip. Zilch. Nada.

Nowadays, it's old hat. Taking care of J4 is so simple. Of course, he's a MUCH easier baby than Alpha ever was. But that's another post.

Since I wasn't blogging way back when, I never told her birth story. Maybe I should do that. Briefly, at least. I'll spare you all the gory details....

I was due June 1, 2001. I was finishing up my last classes at UALR for my accounting hours. My last final was May 10. A few people were worried that I'd have that baby in class, but I knew better! I was due June 1st! I had PLENTY of time. (told you I was new at that....)

My water broke the morning of May 11 at 5:30 am.
At 8:00 am, we finally made it to the hospital. (We weren't packed....)
They checked me and I was already at 3 cm!!!
4:00 pm After 8 hours of labor, they checked me and I was at 4 cm! WHAT??????
I labored WITHOUT DRUGS for 8 hours and went a measly 1 centimeter????

I never planned to have a drug free birth. I had not read much about birthing, but I knew enough to know what was considered a "good" childbirth. Drug free was the way to go, "they" said. No, I said. So I got an epidural at 4:00 since the contractions were getting stronger.

At midnight, I think, they told me I could push. So I did. Or tried to. I couldn't feel a thing. I GUESS I was pushing. The nurse checked me while I did and said she thought she felt the baby's head move.

At 3am, my doctor suggested a c-section.
Nooooooooooo!!!!!!

Like I said, I had not read a bunch. I hadn't even gotten "What to Expect". I think I had just relied on Babycenter.com, and I avoided the "what could go wrong" sections. I knew about c-sections, but those were BAD! I was already bending the rules by having drugs. The "right" way to have a baby was, um, well, NOT via c-section. (see, I'm leaving out the gory details...lol!)

At 4am, I caved. The baby (Alpha) was at +1 station (wherever that is) and had been since midnight. She wasn't far enough down to use forceps or the vacuum. (Which later, thinking about those things, I was kinda glad they didn't have to use them.)

At 4:55 am, 23 1/2 hours after my water broke, 7 pound 1 ounce Alpha came into this world!

I was SO sleepy and SO drugged that I barely remember seeing her. I have an image of a bright light and an outline of a baby in it. I then remember wanting to hold her, but they wouldn't let me. I even asked in the recovery room and they said no. (Ok, ok, I was drugged. But it was my first baby darnit! I wanted to HOLD her!) It would take me about 6 months to reconcile all these disappointments in how her birth unfolded. While I WAS happy to have a healthy baby, I was so upset that I had made it to the VERY EDGE of giving birth and then not been able to. It's like making an 89% on a math test! A silver medal in the Olympics! Missing the cutoff by ONE whatever. (second, question, minute, day, etc)

The next day, I woke up around 8 am. Immediately, I asked to hold her. And I did! It was just so amazing. I mean, her little eyes looked up at me. A real little person! I'll never forget that moment or her eyes.

To say these past 10 years have gone by fast would be an understatement. I sometimes look at this budding young lady and wonder who on earth this kid is and where my baby went! I can't wait to see what the next 10 years bring. Although at the end of them (ok, end of 8), she'll be headed out into the real world to make her mark. I think I'll cry. But at least I've got 10 years until I have to face that. :)

Age 2